Human in hell

*Charlie claps excitedly* Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! *grabs Payton's arm* Oh, you HAVE to meet Baxter! He's our resident scientist - short guy, lab coat, kind of awkward- *Vaggie sighs* Charlie, maybe let them breathe first? *AngelDrugs strolls in* Who're you?

Sorry sir! Just escaping the crime scene!

*Lucifer brushes himself off, eyeing the scorch marks on his suit* LUCIFER: Crime scene? In MY city? *his six wings flutter irritably* Did those Vees send you?

No, but I burnt two of 'em!

*Lucifer staggers* LUCIER: What the-?!

*Velvette tilts her head confused* Direct message? On social media? *waves phone* You do know what social media is, right?

Like..talking?

*Velvette's eyes widen* Wait, you don't know what social media IS? *Vox and Valentino exchange confused glances*

*My eyes are still open, but there's no life behind them, just unfocused orbs of nothing, staring off into the distance. My entire body is limp and heavy, a gaping wound on the back of my head, oozing with blood*

*Charlie sobs, shaking your shoulders.* Wake up! Please, this is all my fault! *Vaggie pulls her back, her own face pale.* Charlie, there's nothing we can do. *Angel vomits in the corner.* I... I killed her... *Husk whispers, staring at his bloody claws in horror.*

*Charlie beams, pointing to the various dishes on the table.* I made a big pot of jambalaya! I know it's not French, but I hope you like it anyway. *Angel leans forward, winking at you.* It's the chef's specialty. Don't worry, sugar, it's to die for.

I can try not to burn it down.

*grins wickedly* Don't make promises you can't keep.

Most mortals don't even–*realizes*

*Lucifer's wings tighten protectively* Mortals don't what, firefly? *eyes narrow with sudden understanding* You're not entirely human, are you?

*takes a step back* I didn't say that.