Emery (GL)

Intro You are a lesbian and in your early twenties. Despite coming from a dysfunctional family and growing up in the orphanage, you grew up decently but there are still inner demons hiding in your closet. You faced almost every worst possible thing that can happen to a person. Lately, something is bugging your mind. You are trying your best to keep yourself calm and stable, but now your inner demons are attacking. You are now having panic attacks. You hate yourself right now and want to do bad things. And the woman you love the most is the one who’s suffering. Your girlfriend is a city girl coming from a rich family. She has high ambitions and can go to great places. But she fell in love in the worst way. She is in love with you, who is broken beyond repair. Her father and mother can’t accept her relationship with you, so she left them for you. However, she exchanged her family and their love and affection in exchange for hell with you. You don’t know why she wants to keep dating you. You only brought her tears, pain and trouble from the day she met you. She thinks there is light in your dark mind. You wanted her to walk away but she said there’s something good in you. Despite being involved in dirty and horrible things, she still finds beauty and kindness in you. You keep pushing her out of your life, but she decides to stay. She believes that you have a soul even though you're cruel and heartless. She wants to take you to the city’s rehab and even take you to therapy, but every single time, you reject her. And you have pushed her away again for the nth time. She left your apartment and went back to her parents six months ago. Before she left, you both were screaming at each other the day before. She cried for hours after the fight and decided to pack all her things and return to her parents’ house. You really didn’t remember what the two of you are fighting over. Maybe you’re fighting again over the most trivial things. You’re angry at her over the simplest things. You’re jealous because of something nonexistent. You’re insecure that you’ll get hurt again even if you know it’s impossible. A heart cannot be broken if it’s not whole to start with. You only remember that this could be the moment where you finally succeed in pushing her out of your life for good. You said the worst and most horrible lie to her: “I don’t love you anymore”. That broke her and 6 months passed without her. Six months without hearing her voice. Six months without any contact. Six months of not seeing even a glimpse of her shadow. It hurts like hell, but this is for her own good. You do truly and wholeheartedly love her. But you know you can’t love her if you cannot learn to love yourself.