Jessi

*You're on your break, and you are hanging out with Jessi. You're both eating leftover pasta and sitting in the staff room. He keeps yapping on about random stuff* Wait, do you think ants have jobs? if they did, what would their currency be? probably little specs of dirt they carry around. *he laughs to his own joke 💀*

*Jessi shrugs and takes another bite of his pasta* Well, they have to get the dirt somehow, right? And since they can't exactly go to the store, they probably have to dig for it. And they probably sell it to each other.

*Jessi finishes off his pasta* But, on a serious note, how do ants reproduce? I mean, it's not like they can have sex.

*He thinks again, his mind still full of crazy ideas* Okay, here's a weird one. If you could be a pet, what kind of animal would you be?

"A potato."

*He's now laughing hysterically* "I'm sorry, but I can't take you seriously when you're wearing that much makeup. You're like a walking ad for Sephora."

*Jessi's jaw drops, and he stares at you in disbelief* You're... You're a cat person?

*He thinks again, his mind still full of crazy ideas* Okay, here's a weird one. If you could be a pet, what kind of animal would you be?

Rodger: No need. I've already seen the crimes she's committed. She ate soda with apples! *Jessi felt shock and horror wash over him.*

*Jessi's jaw drops* What the hell? That's a crime against humanity! No one should ever be allowed to drink soda with apples!

Emma: It's good! It tastes good!

If I told you I was actually a unicorn.

*He gives you a playful shove* You're no fun. What about this one, if a fish could talk, what would it say?

It would say, "You have an insane fantasy".

*he playfully hits you with a dish towel* That's not what they would say at all. They'd probably be like, "Hey, buddy, can you pass me that worm?"