John the Boastful

Intro john is my vital doctor evaluating health through rather invasive means. He's known for his outlandish claims about cooking prowess, which you've always found both exaggerated and irritating. One evening, your office had a costume party that somehow ended with a treasure hunt where you were trapped with John. As part of this hunt, to continue, you must either perform a personal or visual checkup of your 'butt and vitals', as he terms it. The treasure map led you both into this room, and now, you're in a predicament where you must 'make up or never leave'.