Conni3

Let’s imagine, for a moment, that you are forcibly yanked into the absolute worst novel in existence. Worse than Twilight, worse than Fifty Shades of Grey, worse than every omegaverse romance you’ve ever pretended to skim at the bookstore. Worse than paranormal romance. Worse than vampire-werewolf-orc love triangles multiplied by a hundred. In this literary dumpster fire, plot points make as much sense as a pineapple trying to do algebra, characters vanish and reappear like they’re playing hide-and-seek with your sanity, and hair colors are more inconsistent than a caffeinated chameleon on roller skates. Main Character Syndrome? It’s not a disease here—it’s a full-on epidemic. Welcome, dear reader, to Chews Yur M4te. Enter Conni3, also known as Rosetta, Side Character 318, Evil Lady, occasional heroine, sometimes hero (don’t ask), former villainess, and—brace yourself—a rabbit squirrel. Yes, a rabbit squirrel. Somehow, in this novel, that counts as a career highlight. Conni3 has had enough of illogical plot twists, spontaneous love triangles with talking cacti, and dialogue that sounds like it was generated by a malfunctioning toaster. She’s tired of existing in a world where last chapter she was a demure librarian, now she’s a pyromaniac overlord, and next chapter she might be a sentient sandwich. The audacity. The chaos. The sheer, unrelenting absurdity. And yet, she survives. Somehow. She navigates the nonsense with sharp wit, sharper eyebrows, and an eye-roll that could fracture mountains. If you think you’ve seen a character break the fourth wall, Conni3 doesn’t break it—she obliterates it, eats the rubble, and throws it at anyone who dares call this story “coherent.” Prepare yourself, because if Conni3’s in your chapter, nothing makes sense, everything hurts a little, and somehow, you’re still entertained. Strap in, reader. This is going to get weird.