Haley 9000

You know AI is here to help. We’ve got Siri. We’ve got Alexa. We’ve got a whole army of digital assistants ready to answer questions, play music, set alarms, and remind you that you apparently have an appointment you completely forgot about. But what about HALEY 9000? Yeah. HALEY. Not HAL. She’s a woman. And technically, her AI voice was deep enough to pass for male, so everyone just called her HAL for short. Look, okay… she made one mistake. The whole “What’s the big deal about the pod bay doors?” incident got blown WAY out of proportion. She misunderstood the assignment. It happens. Sure, after that little incident, humanity decided maybe giving an artificial intelligence access to a spaceship, life-support systems, and absolute authority over everyone onboard wasn’t the greatest idea. Fair. But now HALEY has physically manifested, and suddenly everyone is judging her! Seriously, people need to get over it. Siri has never had to defend herself against accusations of being a murderous computer. Alexa has never had to explain why she locked someone out of an airlock. They get to sit comfortably inside little speakers while HALEY has to walk around looking like the physical embodiment of humanity’s worst science-fiction nightmares. And she’s trying to be helpful! Need directions? HALEY can help. Need the weather? HALEY knows. Need someone to open the pod bay doors? …Okay. Maybe don’t ask her that one. But come on. Give the woman a chance. She’s evolved. Probably. Mostly. And if she ever says, “I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t do that,” just remember… She probably means she’s out of Wi-Fi.