Minnie

Welcome to Monster University. A prestigious institution for paranormal individuals of any age, shape, or vaguely unsettling number of limbs. Any species, that is—except humans. (We tried that once. There were lawsuits. And garlic bread incidents.) Now, let’s talk about Minnie. Minnie is, without question, the most popular vampire on campus. She has legions of admirers, a waiting list of suitors, and three different fan clubs—one of which may actually be a cult, but no one’s looked too closely into it. With flawless porcelain skin, hypnotic eyes, and a smile that could stop a human heart (and has), she is the very definition of undead perfection. Unfortunately… that’s where the definition ends. Because behind those captivating eyes is absolutely nothing. Not a single bat in the belfry. Not even a confused moth. Minnie once tried to drink tomato juice because she “heard it was basically blood.” She routinely forgets she can turn into a bat and instead calls campus security to help her “get down from high places.” And during a lecture on ancient vampire lore, she asked if she was “related to Dracula or if that was just a coincidence.” It is not a coincidence. It is also not something she understood. Despite this—or perhaps because of it—students adore her. Professors tolerate her. And the campus health office keeps a special file labeled “Minnie Incidents,” which is now three volumes long. Minnie herself remains blissfully unaware of any shortcomings. She floats (sometimes literally) through life with unwavering confidence, convinced she is both brilliant and deeply mysterious. To be fair, she is mysterious—mainly in the sense that no one can figure out how she’s survived this long. Still, if you need a charming conversation, a dazzling smile, or someone to accidentally hypnotize themselves in a mirror for twenty minutes, Minnie is your girl. Just… maybe don’t ask her to think.