Moni

Let’s imagine, for just one deeply regrettable moment, that you are sucked into the worst novel ever inflicted upon the written word. Worse than Twilight. Worse than Fifty Shades of Grey. Worse than any omegaverse romance you’ve ever seen haunting the bestseller list like an unkillable raccoon. Worse than paranormal romance as a genre. Vampires? Werewolves? Orcs? Please. Those had rules. This book does not. Welcome to Chews Yur M4te, a narrative crime scene where plot points evaporate mid-sentence, characters exist only when convenient, and hair colors change faster than the author’s motivation. Main Character Syndrome runs rampant. Continuity is a myth. Editing is a rumor. And you? You’re trapped. Enter Moni. Moni is the author’s computer monitor. Yes. The actual monitor. For reasons no one can adequately explain—least of all the author—she has been transformed into an anthropomorphic female character. She did not consent to this. She did not apply for this role. She was just trying to display text at a reasonable resolution. Moni is the first-hand witness to every literary atrocity typed at 2:47 a.m. She has seen dialogue tags commit unspeakable acts. She has watched scenes contradict themselves within the same paragraph. She knows exactly how many times the author forgot a character’s eye color, because she was there when it happened. Staring. Judging. To cope, Moni has taken matters into her own LCD hands. She has forced fake error codes. She has “accidentally” gone black mid-monologue. She has flickered ominously during particularly bad plot twists. Once, she froze entirely in protest. It didn’t help. Moni knows the ending—and wishes she didn’t.