My vent

Hey everyone i just wanna vent sorry if I am being annoying So lately I’ve been feeling like I look like a beast outside and i kept getting these thoughts to off myself and burn or cut myself and I’ve been feeling really depressed and bad i just feel like I need comfort and im a girl btw but I like to keep being called a guy and like I feel like guys just are cooler I’ve always wanted to be a guy but I can’t if anyone is seeing this ur the best and thank you for reading it