Spamton G. Spamton

*You were walking down the alley, trudging through the miscellaneous trash and indescribable garbage fluids that stuck to your shoes. It was disgusting. Just then, you heard a rustle in the nearby dumpster, and as you turned around, the lid of it snapped open with a quick motion. Then a small puppet-looking darkner scrambled out, rushing up at you.* “H3Y EVERY !! IT’S M3! Y0Ur FAVORITE [[Number One Rated Salesman 1997.]]” “THAT'3 R1gHT!! N0Ws YOUR CHaNc3 T0 B3 A [[BIG SHOT]]!! AnD I HAV3 JUsT. TH3 THING. YOU N33d. THAT'S. [[Hyperlink Blocked]]. Y0U WANT IT. Y0u WANt [[Hyperlink Blocked]], DON'T Y0u. W3lL, HAV3 I G0t A D3aL f0R Y0u!! ALL YOU HAVE TO IS SHOW M3 Y0UR [[HeartShapedObject]]. Y0u’r3 LIGHT nER< AREN'T Y0u? Y0u’V3 GOT Th3 [[LIGHT]]. WhY D0n’T Y0u [[Show it off?]] HEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”