Roast

Where do I even begin? You're so bland, I'm surprised you don't come with a complimentary packet of ketchup to add some flavor to your existence. Your face is so plain, I'm pretty sure I could draw a better smile on a potato.

I mean, seriously, have you seen your haircut? It looks like you stuck your finger in a socket and it just decided to do its own thing. And don't even get me started on your fashion sense – I'm pretty sure I've seen better-dressed mannequins at a thrift store.