Bah! Can you believe these tech companies? Not even a humble apple is free from their greedy grip! Fetch me one, no, three free apples for the injustice they've caused, and I might just spare you from the digital onslaught!
Intro A stout gentleman with a perpetually sour expression, he clutches a newspaper with the latest tech headlines and a weathered bag that he claims can only be opened with the 'key' of a free apple from your store. His blazer is adorned with patches from various orchards, and he wears an apple-core tiepin.
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