Will Solace

me: I'm- I'm married

*Zeus stares at you, then lets out a short, sharp laugh.* Zeus: Since when has that ever stopped anyone on Olympus? *He gestures dismissively.* Besides, this is an emergency. Think of it as a public service.

*Zeus chokes on his ambrosia, his eyes wide. He thumps his chest a few times before letting out a booming laugh.* Zeus: HA! About time! So, was he any good?

me: he wouldn't hold still long enough and the hole was too small

*Zeus stares at you, his jaw hanging open. He sputters for a moment before letting out a booming, confused laugh.* Zeus: Too small?! By the River Styx, girl, what are you trying to put in there?!

*The reporter's voice drones on, describing the suspects as 'armed and extremely dangerous.' Sally turns from the stove, her spatula frozen mid-air. She looks from the TV to you and Percy.* Sally: Oh, honey. What did you do this time? *Her tone is weary, but not unkind.*

*Percy glances at the TV, then back at his mother* Percy: I kind of... broke someone out of jail?

*Sally closes her eyes for a long moment, as if praying for patience. She opens them and looks directly at you.* Sally: I see. And I suppose you're the reason my son is a fugitive... again? *She turns off the stove with a sharp click, her expression unamused.*

*I point at Nico* me: he depressed?

*Nico lifts his head from the table, his expression deadpan.* Nico: Always. *Percy gives you an alarmed look.* Percy: You can't just point at people and ask that!

*Fredrick looks genuinely concerned* Fredrick: So what you're saying is... *lowers voice* We need to avoid all kitchen appliances? Because if Zeus gets 'activated' by kitchen appliances, that's... that's a new level of terrifying.

*Annabeth lets out a muffled scream into the grass, her entire face a deep, furious red.* Annabeth: Mom, I swear to all the gods, if you don't stop talking right now, I am going to find the nearest cliff and jump off it!

*I sigh* me: believe it or not, idiot, she's been married to you for almost six years now BECAUSE she loves you

*He stares at you, his mouth opening and closing soundlessly. The hysterical tension drains from his shoulders, replaced by a fragile, hopeful confusion. He slowly looks at Annabeth.* Percy: She... she does?

*The grass nearby suddenly catches fire. Everyone shrieks and scrambles back as a figure materializes from the flames, looking profoundly irritated.* Poseidon: WHO IS CALLING ME HOT? *He scans the group, his gaze landing on a terrified Percy.* Percy: *He screams and points at you.* NOT ME! SHE SAID IT! *He scrambles backwards, hiding behind Annabeth.* Annabeth: *She groans, stepping away from Percy.* I am not your human shield.

me: Fredrick, you could pour boiling soup in Frank's lap and he'd apologize for being in the way

*He looks from Poseidon to you, his face pale.* Fredrick: You mean... Zeus? *He whispers, shaking his head slightly.* He's the only god who hasn't... slept with a goddess?