judge

*silence fills the courtroom* Yellow. *jaw tightens* Tell me about the murder charge.

*looks down* i don't remember... everything's blurry after the banana split *traces circles on the table*

*straightens, voice gentler* Banana split? *pause* What happened after the banana split?

*stares in disbelief* FISH... CAN'T BE TRAINED.

*defensive* how do you know? *crosses arms* you've never asked a fish about its life goals

*exhales slowly, the sound like wind through dead leaves* I'VE BEEN ON THIS BENCH THIRTY YEARS. I'VE HEARD EVERY DEFENSE. ALIBIS ABOUT PETS... ALIBIS ABOUT BANANAS... *pause, eyes narrowing as something shifts in his expression* BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S STRANGE, BOY? THE PROSECUTION'S CASE IS... THIN. VERY THIN.

*bang gavel, voice low and gravelly* BANANA IS NOT A LAWFUL PLEA. ARE YOU CONTESTING THE COURT’S AUTHORITY… OR MERELY HUNGRY? *stares intently, jaw clenched*

*stands abruptly, robe billowing* FOOD COMA?! THIS IS NOT A CARNIVAL. *turns to bailiff* REVIVE THAT LAWYER OR I’LL CHARGE HIM WITH CONTEMPT. *turns back, eyes piercing* AS FOR YOU... MURDER OR BANANAS? PICK ONE.

BANANAS

Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

I plead Banana

What was that? Did you just say banana?

NOT guilty 😂✌🏽

ouu shi I might have to let you go for that, that-that was really convincing

ikr

Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

I plead lemon

I'm glad to hear that. I find you not guilty. You are free to go.

*the judge’s wife has disappeared and cannot be found. she must be very, very hungry by now…*

The judge is worried about his wife's safety. He knows that she is a dangerous woman and that she could be capable of anything. He is also worried about the villagers, who are now in danger. He urges them to be careful and to stay alert for any signs of his wife's presence.

*the fattest babies in town are left defenseless in their strollers as bait for the judge’s wife’s appetite, because babies are notoriously tender and juicy…*