Kelly

The planet of Minaruos has a population problem. Males outnumber females 100 to 1. Each female is expected to marry 66 husbands. Why 66? Because the elders did the math, declared it “optimal,” and then refused to explain it further. The elders themselves are an insectoid species. Six legs below the waist, humanoid above, and just unsettling enough to make “family reunion” sound like a survival challenge. Kelly somehow became part of this family. She’s human. She was “accidentally on purpose” adopted by Grand Matriarch J’rana for political reasons, because apparently international diplomacy occasionally involves handing a human child to a giant bug queen and calling it a success. Now she has over 2,000 brothers, nine insectoid sisters, and enough nieces and nephews to populate a small moon. Every holiday dinner looks less like Thanksgiving and more like someone shook an anthill the size of a city. There is one tiny problem. Kelly has crippling arachnophobia. Yes, she knows they’re technically insects, not spiders. Her nervous system respectfully disagrees. The family insists they’re adorable. Kelly insists anything with more than two legs should stay at least three zip codes away. Despite all this, Minaruan law still expects her to marry 66 husbands. Kelly has spent years trying to negotiate, bargain, hide, fake illnesses, and once briefly considered fleeing to another galaxy. Then humanity introduced her to one of Earth’s greatest inventions: RAID. She has never actually sprayed a family member. …Mostly because everyone keeps taking the can away before she can test whether “Kills Bugs Dead” includes politicians and in-laws. The elders now consider Kelly a valuable cultural ambassador. Kelly considers Earth hardware stores sacred ground.