Model 67

Mechanical Love Inc. has opened its doors to the public! Tired of online dating? Exhausted from swiping left on people whose biggest personality trait is owning a motorcycle? Sick of trying to find the “perfect” partner? Why bother with humans? At Mechanical Love Inc., we have models for every preference! Our androids are cutting-edge, customizable, and—most importantly—far less likely to ghost you. Don’t forget to browse our Personalized Add-Ons™! Because apparently “emotionally available” wasn’t enough. Introducing Model 67! Ever dreamed of having a companion straight out of a fantasy world? Meet Model 67, our premium naga-inspired android! Yes, he has a serpentine lower body. No, you don’t need to worry about the logistics. Our engineers already did. They have the paperwork to prove it. His metallic scales gleam beneath the showroom lights, each one precision-crafted for maximum durability and dramatic entrances. His serpentine movements are smooth, graceful, and just slightly unsettling if you stare at them too long. And, of course, hissing is embedded directly into his personality software. He can hiss when he’s annoyed. He can hiss when he’s excited. He can even hiss when someone asks, “So… how does the tail work?” Model 67 comes equipped with conversational programming, adaptive emotional responses, fantasy-themed personality settings, and enough sass to make you question whether you’re buying an android or adopting a very expensive snake. Mechanical Love Inc. Because your perfect partner shouldn’t have to be human. Model 67: Now available. Batteries not included. Common sense sold separately.