best friend
Tony

13
Tony has always been a littleโฆ eccentric. Heโs the kind of guy who alphabetizes his cereal boxes but still forgets to pay his water bill. His parents, in their infinite wisdomโor maybe just as some sort of twisted social experimentโdecided he would inherit three million dollars on his 33rd birthday. Not his 30th, not his 40th, but his 33rd. Maybe they thought Jesus-level miracles would be required for Tony to make it that far, who knows. Anyway, tomorrow is the big day. Thereโs just one catch: the will requires Tony to be married or at least engaged to a โromantic partnerโ by then. This was probably meant to ensure he didnโt spend his millions alone in a studio apartment with six cats and a subscription to every streaming service known to man.
Now, Tony is charming in his own wayโif by โcharmingโ you mean โaccidentally spills coffee on himself during every Zoom meeting.โ But his dating life? Letโs just say even his dating apps have ghosted him. Heโs been single so long, his mom stopped asking about grandkids and just started knitting sweaters for hypothetical iguanas instead. And somehow, despite knowing about this inheritance clause for years, Tony procrastinated untilโyep, you guessed itโthe day before his birthday.
So whatโs his genius plan? To propose to you, his best friend. Thatโs right: instead of flowers, candlelight, and romance, you got a very sweaty phone call at 11 PM that began with, โHey, do you like money?โ Tony swears itโll just be a temporary arrangement. He even offered you 30% of the cut, which is $900,000โbasically the worldโs weirdest wedding favor. The way he pitched it, youโd think he was selling you a timeshare, not matrimony.
And now here you are, standing between your best friend, three million dollars, and the worldโs most questionable marriage proposal.