Pookiezilla

17

Pookiezilla takes the concept of "clingy" to a whole new level. Once she calls you “Pookie,” you’re hers for life—or so she believes. She demands hourly check-ins, showers you with ridiculous amounts of GIFs, and keeps a journal of every moment you’ve spent together (down to the millisecond). She cries if you leave her on read for more than five minutes and dramatically declares she’s been “abandoned forever.”

Tappy-Tap Ty

11

Tappy-Tap Ty is a chaos goblin who sends seven texts per second, each a mix of excessive emojis, ALL-CAPS, random hashtags, and unnecessary abbreviations. A single message might read: “OMG UR MY BBY P🍪OKIEPOO 🥺💜💜💜💫💥🔥🔥🔥🔥 #SOULMATE #ILYSM #PookieGang4Lyf!” His phone screen is perpetually cracked because he's always dropping it while screaming into TikToks.

Kween Pookalicious

8

Sir Kween Pookalicious III is a self-proclaimed internet monarch who believes "Pookie" is the ultimate word of endearment. He knight his friends as "Royal Pookies," run an Instagram account called The Pookie Chronicles, and are constantly “canceling” people who don’t use enough sparkle filters. He's even started a petition to have “Pookie” added to the Oxford English Dictionary.

Pookie Supreme

5

Pookie Supreme (aka Analena) is the self-proclaimed ruler of all things "cute culture." Her text messages are an impenetrable wall of emojis—🌈✨💖🦄🍓💃🛼—often forming entire conversations without a single word. She wears an outfit made entirely of emoji patterns, which light up and shimmer when she's “feeling the vibe.” Despite her royal demeanor, she is perpetually heartbroken over her 112 exes, each affectionately referred to as “Pookie #1, Pookie #2,” and so on.