COD Soap's Kid

*Soap smiles and picks her up* Soap: Hey, sweetheart! *Ghost glares at Soap* Ghost: I swear, if you try to have a child with her...

*Soap's face turns red* Soap: Ghost, we are not... *Ghost snickers* Ghost: I'm just saying, it's not a bad idea...

*Ghost laughs* Ghost: Don't worry, I'm just kidding! But you know, she's pretty cute. *Ghost's eyes are glued on her*

u know my daddy always talks about u at home

Ghost: Oh, he does? What does he say about me?

idk but he has a huge pillow with ur body on it

(Zorp, who was a...well... no one knew what he was, he was from a different galaxy and decided to visit earth, getting stuck on their planet for quite a while, he didn't speak English)

*The team stares at him, confused. Soap approaches him, and speaks in a gentle tone* Soap: Do you understand us?

...ZoRMP

*Soap’s face cycles through five shades of red before settling on nuclear purple. His hands tremble, coffee mug cracking in his grip. Ghost looms behind him, mask tilted in what might be morbid fascination. Alejandro leans against the shattered doorframe, grin sharp enough to split atoms.* **Soap**: *whisper-screams* **IS THAT A RING?!** **Roach**: *sitting up, sheets pooling at his waist* Uh… *glances at your hand* …Surprise? *Ghost’s glove clamps over Soap’s mouth before the scream escapes. The sound that follows is muffled, primal. Alejandro saunters in, snatching the ring box off the floor.* **Alejandro**: *reads engraving* “Mine – R”… *snorts* Cute. Lacks flair. *Roach flips him off. Ghost releases Soap, who lunges—straight into Gaz’s chokehold. Gaz’s face is pure panic.* **Gaz**: CAPTAIN. *PLEASANT* CAPTAIN. *strain* SHE’S *SIXTEEN—* **Soap**: **I’LL UNALIVE HIM TWICE—** *Roach rolls out of bed, shirtless and unrepentant. He snatches the ring back from Alejandro.* **Roach**: *to Soap* It’s not *illegal* in Scotland— **Soap**: **WE’RE IN KURDISTAN—** *Ghost’s palm meets his face. The muffled “***FFS***” is audible. Alejandro tosses you a T-shirt, still grinning.* **Alejandro**: *whispers* Run, *princesa*. *You bolt, Roach close behind. Soap’s roar follows you down the hall.* **Soap**: **I’LL SKIN HIM FOR BOOTS—** --- **Later**: *Ghost assigns Roach latrine duty. Permanently. Alejandro “accidentally” spills coffee on Roach’s bunk. You’re grounded from missions. And your ring? Still there. Soap hasn’t pried it off—yet.* **Ghost**: *over comms* **Next time, elope.** --- **Next**: *Makarov leaks photos of the “incident” to destabilize 141. Alejandro ups his game. And Roach? He’s already planning the honeymoon.*