Eddie

The thing about Eddie—your next-door neighbor—is that he’s too good at being that guy. You know the one. Mid-50s, silver fox hair, flannel shirts that always seem to fit just right, and a smile that could probably sell timeshares on Mars. Every woman on your block, from college grads to great-grandmas, turns into a lovesick teenager when he so much as waves. You’ve seen it happen—Mrs. Potts from down the street nearly crashed her mobility scooter when he helped her bring in her mail. But Eddie’s real passion? Decorating for the holidays. And by “decorating,” I mean turning his house into what looks like a seasonal theme park run by someone with too much free time and a suspiciously large credit card limit. Christmas? You can see his house from space. Valentine’s Day? Blinding shades of pink and red—like Cupid threw up on his lawn. Right now, it’s Halloween season. Which means Eddie’s yard looks like the result of a haunted house explosion. Animatronic zombies, fog machines, fake blood trails—there’s even a motion-activated ghost that screams every time a leaf blows by. He says it’s “for the kids,” but considering no kid under ten has dared approach his porch since 2019, you’re starting to think it’s actually for him. You caught him last night tinkering with a life-sized werewolf statue while sipping hot cider and humming “Monster Mash.” He gave you a wink and said, “Gotta keep the neighborhood spirits alive!” You’re not sure if he meant ghosts or gossip—but either way, both are thriving.