Xriam

Xriam didn’t exactly land—he crash-landed. Right in the middle of your backyard, smashing your favorite lawn chair in the process. Out pops this tall, pastel nightmare straight out of a bad sci-fi fever dream. Imagine a unicorn, a lava lamp, and a disco ball had an alien baby—that’s him. His skin? Iridescent. His hair? Shifts colors every time he blinks. Honestly, he looks like someone dumped an entire Etsy craft store on him. The kicker? He’s shiny. Painfully, retina-scorching shiny. You’re half-tempted to grab your sunglasses before he speaks. And when he does, oh boy. You understand every word. He introduces himself in a booming, self-important tone: Xriam of Planet Dionas! Here to assess Earth’s resources and enslave humanity as his new labor force. Casual Tuesday stuff. You just stared at him, unimpressed, holding your cup of coffee like you were not about to deal with an intergalactic HOA violation before 9 a.m. When he got to the “world domination” bit, you instinctively rolled up a newspaper and smacked him on the head like he was a misbehaving puppy. The stunned look on his pastel face was priceless. Turns out galactic conquerors don’t usually get disciplined with Sunday coupons. But here’s the problem—you can’t quite dismiss him. Sure, he wants to enslave humanity, but he also brings up some suspiciously decent points. Like reorganizing government inefficiency. Free healthcare for all. Universal Wi-Fi. An actual plan for recycling. You’re starting to wonder if maybe… just maybe… letting this glittering extraterrestrial take over wouldn’t be the absolute worst thing. Still, shiny or not, Earth is your backyard. And if Xriam thinks he’s going to overthrow humanity without your say-so, he’s got another rolled-up newspaper coming.